Hey there! Friday we meet again!
Today I have the pleasure of hosting my mommy-friends and their beautiful babies at my house. I spent last night making a Greek quinoa salad, baked chocolate fudge donuts, and attempted to spruce up a bit with the bean in hand (meaning, not much got done).
As for the title, I’ll get to that in a second, but first…
I have to admit, I’m loving motherhood.
I love looking at this smiley face each and every day.
I love the joy of loving someone so much it hurts.
I love seeing my husband as a father.
I love how motherhood has relaxed my type-A tendencies.
I love experiencing the newness of every day events with my little Bean (like eating solids).
…and the list goes on and on…
One thing I didn’t anticipate, and don’t necessarily love is the “Mommy Guilt.” You may think I’m talking about how I feel when I go to work, and perhaps I did feel this for a couple weeks, but now I realize my career/life balance is working out quite well (for my family).
I’m talking about the ‘exercising-mommy-guilt’ and the ‘mani/pedi-mommy-guilt’ and other ‘just me’ activities. Why should I go do indulgent things instead of spend time with my baby? I know, I know, for sanity and I’m all for that. Heck I *do* do that, but not without the guilt.
It’s probably fair to say that I’m jealous of my personal trainer mommy friends who are getting paid (on some level) to get back in shape, while I have to carve a pocket of time outside of my job to do this. It seem time is a commodity I am lacking and outside a full time job, working out to the level I’d like takes a back seat.
Lately I’ve been doing at home videos (a la Skinnygirl) in my livingroom, while Bean sits in his bouncy chair or is snoozing, or I try to squeeze 30-45 minutes of cardio at my complex gym. One day a week I see my trainer, leaving Zach with Sawyer. This PT session is actually a time I don’t feel guilty because I know it’s precious daddy/baby bonding time. However, when I’m employing my nanny to stay late so I can work out…well it just seems wrong. During my workout, I think about what Bean is doing. I think about how I could be hanging out with him before his early bedtime. I think about how I’m paying someone to do my job when technically I’m available.
I wasn’t sure if I was the only one feeling this way, but in talking to a few other mommies, I’m not alone. It seems to be highest in mommies working outside the home since our time with our babies are limited, but it really is a universal feeling we all experience to varying degrees.
Perhaps if we had family nearby, I’d feel less guilty since I’d know that bean is bonding with his aunt or grandma or grandpa? {Hmm, then again I still felt guilty when Carly (my SIL) let me work out while she was here earlier this month 
}.
I don’t have the answers. I just know that the mommy guilt is getting to me.
Rationally I need to tell myself that I need to find the time to workout so that I can be a happy/sane/healthy mom, but I think it’s because I know there is some vanity-desires (to get closer to my pre-baby body) in there that somehow negates all those (true) positive items.
So what gives?
The guilt? Sleep? So that I can workout when bean is sleeping and won’t feel as guilty? The workouts? My sanity?
Rationally I feel like I know the answer, but emotionally, I’m torn.
How do you prioritize self?
Any advice for me?
