Guilt

Hey there!  Friday we meet again!

Today I have the pleasure of hosting my mommy-friends and their beautiful babies at my house.  I spent last night making a Greek quinoa salad, baked chocolate fudge donuts, and attempted to spruce up a bit with the bean in hand (meaning, not much got done).

As for the title, I’ll get to that in a second, but first…

I have to admit, I’m loving motherhood.

I love looking at this smiley face each and every day.

I love the joy of loving someone so much it hurts.

I love seeing my husband as a father.

I love how motherhood has relaxed my type-A tendencies.

I love experiencing the newness of every day events with my little Bean (like eating solids).

…and the list goes on and on…

One thing I didn’t anticipate, and don’t necessarily love is the “Mommy Guilt.”  You may think I’m talking about how I feel when I go to work, and perhaps I did feel this for a couple weeks, but now I realize my career/life balance is working out quite well (for my family). 

I’m talking about the ‘exercising-mommy-guilt’ and the ‘mani/pedi-mommy-guilt’ and other ‘just me’ activities.  Why should I go do indulgent things instead of spend time with my baby?  I know, I know, for sanity and I’m all for that.  Heck I *do* do that, but not without the guilt. 

It’s probably fair to say that I’m jealous of my personal trainer mommy friends who are getting paid (on some level) to get back in shape, while I have to carve a pocket of time outside of my job to do this.  It seem time is a commodity I am lacking and outside a full time job, working out to the level I’d like takes a back seat. 

Lately I’ve been doing at home videos (a la Skinnygirl) in my livingroom, while Bean sits in his bouncy chair or is snoozing, or I try to squeeze 30-45 minutes of cardio at my complex gym.  One day a week I see my trainer, leaving  Zach with Sawyer.  This PT session is actually a time I don’t feel guilty because I know it’s precious daddy/baby bonding time.  However, when I’m employing my nanny to stay late so I can work out…well it just seems wrong.  During my workout, I think about what Bean is doing.  I think about how  I could be hanging out with him before his early bedtime.  I think about how I’m paying someone to do my job when technically I’m available. 

I wasn’t sure if I was the only one feeling this way, but in talking to a few other mommies, I’m not alone.  It seems to be highest in mommies working outside the home since our time with our babies are limited, but it really is a universal feeling we all experience to varying degrees.

Perhaps if we had family nearby, I’d feel less guilty since I’d know that bean is bonding with his aunt or grandma or grandpa? {Hmm, then again I still felt guilty when Carly (my SIL) let me work out while she was here earlier this month }.

I don’t have the answers.  I just know that the mommy guilt is getting to me. 

Rationally I need to tell myself that I need to find the time to workout so that I can be a happy/sane/healthy mom, but I think it’s because I know there is some vanity-desires (to get closer to my pre-baby body) in there that somehow negates all those (true) positive items. 

So what gives? 

The guilt?  Sleep?  So that I can workout when bean is sleeping and won’t feel as guilty?  The workouts?  My sanity?

Rationally I feel like I know the answer, but emotionally, I’m torn. 

How do you prioritize self?

Any advice for me?

WIAW: new foods

Wow, so apparently most of you are Mac fans.  I should have guessed   I think it’s been my stubbornness that has prevented me from going the Mac route, but I’m feeling daring so I think I’ll be making a purchase this weekend!

This past week I’ve consumed quite a few new eats.  And I’m dedicating this What I Ate Wednesday to just that! 

I have been seeing the Simply bars everywhere!  (Not to be confused with Zone Perfect’s Perfectly Simple bar).  Both companies were kind enough to send me samples to try.

The stats are really amazing – 16g of protein in only 160 cals or less!  And they offer a ton of flavors.  I’ve tried the PB-chocolate and cinn-pecan so far.  The verdict? Good (not outstanding).  If it wasn’t for the fabulous protein-to-calorie ratio, I would not be that impressed.  If they were $1.50 or less and I could buy them locally, I would definitely keep them as snack/small meal on the go, but they aren’t sold in northern CA yet.  I will keep my eyes peeled.

Another bar floating around the internet?  Gnu fiber bars.  Several bloggers highlighted their fabulous deal of $7.95 for a 5-bar sampler pack with free shipping.  For that steal, I had to get some.  Besides, I couldn’t pass up trying their tasty-sounding flavors:

I’ve tried the blueberry cobbler and blondie and really enjoyed both.  They taste very natural, are pretty chewy, and all that fiber has some staying power.  I’d highly recommend.

So last weekend, I mentioned Zach and I went on date night (woohoo!).  We wanted to go to Palo Alto and were in the mood for some spice, so we tried a new (to us) restaurant, Thaiphoon, where we were able to snag a table outdoors. 

Both our meals and the app were good but…

… we left hungry!  Seriously, are we that big of piggies?  We ordered the vegetarian spring rolls, kung pao chicken, and thai basil tofu.  We easily finished our plates with no leftovers – which is a rarity for eating Thai food. 

Soooo, we did what any normal couple does and walked across the street to a new(er) wine bar called Gravity, where I promptly had a flight of sparkling wines.

I absolutely want to come back to this place – faboosh!

No date night is complete without froyo:

I’m pretty sure Zach tilted his cup that way so you wouldn’t realize he got the LARGE cup.  We both agreed that this was one of the more mediocre froyo experiences.  We’ve been here several times before and this time the froyo tasted really icy and the toppings were lacking.  Sigh.  Oh well.

What’s your favorite Thai food dish?

Have you tried Gnu or Simply bars?  Thoughts?

Since I last wrote…

Hey there friends!

Monday again.  My blogging is so sporadic lately.  I go in spurts and though I had plenty to say last week, I found myself in a rut.  This rut seems to be rearing its ugly head more frequently than I’d like.  But that is another story.

Since last I wrote, I’ve gone to Spin class twice!    I rejoined my gym last Wednesday evening and am already happy with my decision to do so.  I also utilized my work gym for a lunch workout on Thursday and had a personal training session on Saturday.  It feels so good to have a consistent workout schedule, though mommy guilt is ever present (<—a topic I’ll post later this week).

Since last I wrote, Zach and I had a date night.  We’ve had about a handful since bean was born and it feels like such a luxury to have a night out to ourselves.  We were aiming for a movie, but Zach wants to wait until Magic Mike comes out {I kid}.  I also got to break out some new colored denim:

Since last I wrote, I’ve managed to get two horrible stomachaches.  I’m trying to pinpoint what it is that’s giving me such pain and I’m thinking either my beloved Think Thin bars or Smartdogs.  Both of which would be a shame since I rely on them for my protein.  It has given me reason to evaluate my eats as of late and it’s motivating me to eat as simple and minimally processed items as possible.  I have to wonder if my recent ruts have something to do with diet as well. 

Since last I wrote, Bean has tried fruits, in the way of pureed pears.

He ate them with his usual gusto.  However, I’m suspending solids for a few days because of the ridiculous amount he is pooing – we’re talking upwards of 5x per day.  That can’t be normal, right?

Since I last wrote, my laptop officially died.  One minute it was working, the next the screen wouldn’t come on and the power would cycle on and off.  Considering it’s about 6 years old, I shouldn’t be surprised.  Zach is currently trying to save my life pictures & documents on my hard drive. He’s also trying to convince me to get a Mac.  Admittedly I’m rather entranced by the MacBook Air.  But buying a new laptop is duller than dull, in my opinion.  I’d much rather buy some new shoes

What have you been up to since last I wrote?

What colored denim are you sporting?  I’m still searching for some mint jeans.

PC or Mac?