Hello friends, how goes it?
I’m having a heck of a week – lots of ups and downs, not all of which I’ll go into.
Last week I shared with you a recap of my 2nd Trimester along with some photos. A reader (and friend) messaged me personally to share some perceptions on my post. And I wanted to talk a bit about them.
A few times in my recaps, I have talked about weight gain and my looks. I’ve noted my face looks chubby or I feel fat. And let me emphasize, this is how am *feeling*, not “am”. I know I am not fat. I’m pregnant for goodness sake! I’m supposed to gain weight and I get that.
As you may have read in previous blog posts, I have had my own issues with weight (Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3), but I would not say I’ve had an eating disorders. Disordered eating, perhaps. And certainly some body dysmoprhia too.
So when I look in the mirror, I see my beautiful bulging pregnant belly, but I also see fuller cheeks, limp hair, new fat on my upper arms, widening thighs. And it’s very, very hard to not hone in them.
I feel this way in large part because of my own insecurities. And then I also let outside ‘pressure’ get the best of me.
For instance, upon finding out I was pregnant, many people said, “Oh you are going to be so tiny and cute because you’re so small now.” Well that’s nice and all, but if what I ballooned? Would I still be cute? (Does it matter?)
Or people would feel it necessary to tell me that they only gained 10 lbs during their pregnancy. Um, cool? Good for you? Unless you are obese, 10 lbs is NOT enough weight to gain. Just check out what the weight breakdown is. And why didn’t your doctor encourage you to gain more?
And all the way up until about a couple weeks ago, people *still* didn’t know I was pregnant. They had no idea or were in shock when I told them I was 6.5 months preggers.
I translated this all into a level of self-inflicted pressure to stay fit, thin, cute, tiny, etc.
And now the growth is more evident and people are saying, whoa, you have a belly! And it’s like somehow I did something wrong. Silly, no? And because I have a short torso, lil Sawyer has nowhere to go but out, so the belly is just going to get bigger people!
Pregnancy has highlighted some of my old insecurities and also raised my sensitivity level to comments. Perhaps this is why people don’t love to have their belly commented on – too big, too small, blah, blah, blah. How about just right?
So why am I even clarifying? Well I don’t want anyone to think that I’m trying to solicit kind comments telling me I’m not fat. And by no means do I judge others the way I judge myself. I see other preggers women, who may have gained more weight than me, as gorgeous, glowing, womanly, happy. I’m just having a hard time finding that in myself.
But I’m working on it 
And I know, I’m not fat, I’m pregnant! 
Is there anything that you are particularly sensitive about?
What mantras do you have for boosting the ol’ self-esteem?
We’re always our own worst critics, right? I think this is more common an issue than most pregnant ladies let on. It’s just not talked about enough. So thanks for bringing it up S!! Diggin the honesty and self reflection.
I just didn’t want anyone to think that I would ever be so critical of them as myself. It’s so much easier to see beauty in others than in myself.
It always amazes me the things that come out of people’s mouths. They seriously have no filter. When i met you, I had no idea you were pregnant until you told me but I immediately didn’t think anything of it. You look amazing and you always have. Don’t ever let those fools make you feel different. <3 you girl!
I think when people comment it always comes from a good place, but us preggers women are sensitive and if we have weight issues, it may not be the best thing to say! Thaks for your thoughts Lauren
People comment on my bump all the time now ever since I got back from MN. If I eat one yummy treat/meal, my weight seriously goes up a pound or two and wont come down. When we got back from MN, I had gained a few pounds and everyone was commenting on how big my bump was and wondering if there could be two babies in there. I don’t let the comments get to me, but I do start thinking, if I am this big now, what will I look like at 40 weeks! You are totally not alone, I even think I made a comment on my bloated preggo face on my blog post from today! It is just human nature to want to look and feel you best and while pregnancy is an awesomely cool thing, no one ever told us how we’d feeling emotionally as our bodies grew along with our stomach.
Twins! Oh boy…why do people automatically go there? I sort of wanted twins (so did my sis-in-law) but was never commented on physically.
Right about 20 weeks is where my weight gain became steady and since you and I both didn’t have much early on, it’s a bit of a shock. What’s important is that we are healthy
People just dont know what to say – Just smile!
LOVE your outfit in that last picture – You are really glowing Shanna!
Hah, thanks — maybe that pumpkin orange top is highlighting the glow
I’m always amazed when people brag that they only gained a tiny amount of weight during pregnancy. I don’t see that as a positive thing.
You are doing a great job of taking care of yourself, and your baby, and that is what matters.
So true! That’s why we have doctors right Leah — they keep us on track!
First off, I like this post, because I can hear myself in your way of thinking. I know all the facts about pregnancy, but I know that I will be crazy about it too in my own head! Just the way I am. So thank you for sharing your thoughts.
But Secondly – I truly think that what people say – i.e. “wow big belly” – are truly meant as compliments. because they are not saying “whoa u suddenly have a beer belly!” lol, they are just saying “wow you are tiny and you have a growing baby boy inside of you!” it’s just a cool thing in life that never gets old, it is always amazing.
So true Mila and you bring up a good point..I was just thinking that this morning. My belly is very pronounced now and when people say “you got big” I have to keep in mind that mean my belly (not my thighs, face, @ss, etc). And that is AWESOME because it means Sawyer is growin’!
Shanna, I really respect you for posting this. I can imagine that as super exciting as it is to be pregnant and see your body go through so many changes, it’s pretty difficult at the same time. I know that I’m going to have similar feelings when I get pregnant. I’m not even married and people tell me I’m going to be such a cute small pregnant lady! What if I’m not?! It’s too much sometimes. I just want to say that I think you look wonderful!
Yes! What if? But then again maybe people say that because they already think you are cute/beautiful and nothing will change it, only enhance it. That’s another way to look at it.
I should really listen to my own advice!
I’m 5 1/2 months, and I know – it’s hard watching your body expand! it’s not just the belly, but the thighs and arms – I’ve had quite a few “I feel fat” days too! When I first got pregnant, sooo many people kept saying I would gain at least 50 pounds (my doctor recommended I gain 35). Because I’m tall, I can gain a few and have it not be that noticeable, but why do people want you to pork out when your knocked up? I don’t get it. and the people that say you’re “eating for two” – um, not really. More like one plus an itty bitty baby
It’s so much nicer when people just say you look great and no comment on how big / small you are!
I agree Kat — just say “hey you look faboosh” and call it a day
I don’t know exactly how you feel Shanna but just know my thoughts are with you. I do understand about bodies changing though because mine does a lot after running season into more a swimmer build (which I don’t care for too much) I think it’s been a really long week full of ups and downs for a lot of people. Have a lovely weekend.
Thanks Miss Hollie — and yes I can see the sports parallel for sure
I think you look wonderful and what I’ve noticed is no matter what the size…most pregnant people have a beauty about them.
There is a definite beauty about all pregnant woman — so very true
Truth: I am really scared that I’m going to gain like 50 lbs when I get pregnant and that is one of the reasons I’m not sure if I want babies.
Yes that’s selfish, but I’d rather be aware of my selfishness now and not hate myself later or develop crazy body issues because I ignored my own concerns.
I don’t think it’s selfish — it’s an honest emotion. It may change / evolve, but right now that’s how you feel. I’ve been trying to keep in mind that all this weight is just temporary!
Why do people think that it’s selfish not to have children. It is kind of selfish to HAVE them really, because you are choosing to bring a life into this world without asking ‘it’. Neither of those choices make people bad people though so you are not selfish!
Children should definitely be brought into this world with full intent. I hear ya.
I think we’re all the hardest on oureslves! And you’re beautiful and you’d be beautiful even if you gained FIFTY pregnancy pounds! You’ve got a lovely glow going
n 
But thanks for sharing your insecurities!
Thanks Liz — I feel like if I’m having some of these insecurities..maybe others are as well and I want them to know they are not alone!
You are one of the hottest pregnant women I have seen!! I think you look wonderful
What you’re going through is understandable. As part of the female population, we’ve been told to stay skinny, lose weight, keep in shape, etc. Then all the sudden you’re told to eat for two and all the new rules of how you’re supposed to look/feel/act. It’s rough!
Yeah right…definite mixed messages!
I’m glad you posted about this because as a fellow pregnant lady, I do understand this pressure. I have noticed in your posts that you do focus a lot on trying to stay as close to your pre-preg body and sometimes that’s been hard for me to read because I was wearing maternity clothes at 12 weeks. I think we all want to believe that we’ll be so accepting of our new pregnant physiques because they are “natural” and “beautiful”. However, when push comes to shove we are women- and more over, women who have put a lot of time and effort into our bodies and healhy lifestyles.
Jamie — thanks so much for commenting. I didn’t realize that I was coming off that way when I talked about staying near my pre-preg body. I really appreciate you mentioning that. I think it’s because I feel little victories when I can still fit in some clothes and put too much emphasis or importance on that. I was in belly bands at 12 weeks and maternity clothing is far more comfy than trying to squeeze into something ill fitting. I think the mamas that have it right are the ones that embrace it early.
Though I still do like to know people’s weight gain, not really to compare but to appreciate that is a wide range of what works for each woman. And it helps when I see a woman gain what could be perceived as a lot of weight, but still look beyond incredible. It helps me put things in perspective. Again thanks for your thoughts and congrats to you
Also- I think the numbers of how much we are “supposed” to gain and what is normal and whatnot are totally ridiculous. I no longer post my pregnancy weight gains because I don’t want anyone comparing themselves to me- and I have been trying REALLY hard not to compare myself to anyone else. (ok I’m done now!)
I love your honesty, Shanna. I wouldn’t say I’ve had an eating disorder but I think disordered eating is something most females go through, so it’s nice to hear someone be so open about it. And not that I know anything about being pregnant, but I can imagine that it would be really hard to adjust to how your body is changing. I think you look absolutely fabulous and I’m sure you will get used to your new size and shape and love it
Yeah that pesky disordered eating is hard to work around! but I think recognizing it is the first step and then finding what makes you happy and balanced!
Shanna I can totally relate to this as I think I will experience these emotions too once I’m pregnant. I love your honesty with this and know that you’re not alone in those thoughts…I think you look so gorgeous and glowing and when I met you for the first time I was blown away by your beauty and personality in person
xoxo
And I too have gotten the “oh you’re gonna be the cutest pregnant lady and be all belly since you’re so long and slender” Um, yeah thanks but what if I’m not?! And recently I’ve even gotten the “Are you pregnant?” because people at the gym have noticed I’ve gained weight in order to get pregnant, ugh!
I hope your week gets better friend and I can’t wait for next Wednesday…I know we’ll have let’s to talk about
That’s crazy that people are already saying something at the gym. I’m sure they mean well and are just being inquisitive but still…
And thank you for saying such nice things — I thought the same thing when we met and I already keep saying to myself “Oh I want to bring this up with Shayla”
And side note, there are like 4 froyo places near All Spice — I’m thinking dessert?
Ahhh yes please!! Definitely dessert girly, can’t wait!
Yes it is crazy, but like you said, I think they mean well since they saw me during my underweight days and are trying in a round about way to tell me I look healthier.
Thanks girl…I feel the same in that there have been many things I’ve wanted to bring up with you too….we definitely see eye to eye on a lot…I have a feeling we’ll be out til midnight chatting, lol!
Well you know I think you look faboosh just the way you are
I read your previous posts and can relate ALL too well. (side note – I didn’t know you were 5′ 4 1/2″! I thought you were MUCH taller! Not that I should talk since I’m maybe 5′ 3″?)
I’ve struggled with food and weight since high school. Even my husband knows it and called me out once, telling me I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I never “qualified” as anorexic based on my weight but definitely had some major disorder eating issues. They started in high school but I assumed they were normal high school things. And continued into college. And got worse. I started seeing a therapist, went on meds and “got better”. Until I slipped my first year of law school and did it all over again – therapist, meds, etc. I’ve been off medication for 3 years now and sometimes I wonder how much it really helped (or not). I still have food thoughts and unhealthy eating habits at times – I don’t know hunger… I’m so afraid skipping one meal will send me downhill that I probably eat more than I should. It’s a neverending cycle sometimes.
I always had that happy weight though. And now that I’m in my late 20s, the metabolism has slowed and the weight has crept up. I’m a good 5 lbs above where I’d like to be and it’s taking FOREVER to lose it. I nixed the weeknight wine, upped my workouts from 2-3/week to 4-5/week. I’m trying to resist the sweet tooth. Now I’m ready to start seeing some results…
Thank you for sharing your experiences Lindsey. Food issues are such a funny thing because, if you’re like me, I really really love to eat. There is nothing that brings me greater pleasure than enjoying a fabulous meal or dessert. But there is also an underlying guilt because I’m not great at listening to my hungry/full queues. We are always works in progress to some extent and I believe that we can find that happy place.
I would never advocate giving up weeknite vino though hehe
Oh and yes, I’m fairly short! I just wear 4″ heels a lot
oh girl. i’m so hard on myself too. i admit to days where the last thing i want to do is exercise and sometimes i force myself to do it fearing ill morph overnight into a big girl. it’s absurd. i weigh 10lbs less than i did when i first started dating nate so i remind myself that he thinks i’m beautiful then and now so i shouldn’t focus in on ridiculous details that i deem perfection or a look that i’d be satisfied with because to be honest, i liked my thighs the best when i was just slightly underweight. everyone else thought i looked gross and i have to be careful because i’m only 7-8lbs away from that line which makes a huge difference on a shortie as you know! (5’4.5
I hear ya…our hubbies/boyfriends never even notice when there is weight gain. I think happiness is what makes us look really beautiful, so the trick is finding that place that makes our ‘happy’ shine!
thank you for being so open and honest! i have never been pregnant, but i can totally relate to this..in that i would be incredibly insecure about any weight gain. just think about that beautiful baby inside of you and how it will all be worth it…trust me. and you know the weight will come right off you. you are gorgeous, don’t forget it! xoxoxo
Weight’s a funny issue. Here I am at probably my heaviest, but I do not own a scale and I am at my happiest. Do I look at photos sometimes and wish I were a bit thinner? Sure. So what I do instead is try to start working out again – focus on the muscle mass and not the weight. With all of our busy hectic lives, though, somethings gotta give at times, right? For me, unfortunately, it’s the working out at times. When exercise is not one of those things that give, though, of course you are going to feel the changes all the more. You’re body is changing at an incredibly fast pace. Side story – I went to the doctor today and saw I was 7 pounds over my “goal” weight. I pouted a bit. And then the nurse very honestly said “I don’t know why you are upset, you look great.” And I had to explain, thank you, but this is the heaviest I’ve ever been and it is a psychological factor I don’t like thinking about – hence, no scale:) That’s me 7 pounds over my goal. Being pregnant is a whole other story. You have every right to feel the emotions you are going through. Just remember you are more than your weight to others though, you are a caring, beautiful woman, and wonderful friend. And soon to be a great mom!
“Oh you are going to be so tiny and cute because you’re so small now.”
In my first trimester when people said this to me…like way early on when I did not look pregnant at all I it made me So upset. People said that meaning well..but I was thinking the same as you. And I thought I was not going to stay tiny and cute I was so afraid of ballooning. I also heard that my MIL [don't repeat this on my blog I know you won't] said to Michael …before she knew I was pregnant but M & I just found out and were keeping it a secret…that I looked like I put on weight and I “looked good” because she thought I was too thin. Well, of course I took that the wrong way and the 3 pounds I already gained and my pregnancy hormones opened up the flood gates. Looking back I laugh. You DO look amazing…and TINY. I know you don’t see it now, but I always say it to you…you will look back at all these pics and say…wow…I really was teeny. I do, and at the time, I didn’t think so. I gained a lot in the last 4 weeks but it’s all SO worth it. And it comes off. And seriously…I was in maternity jeans when I was a few months pregnant [maybe they were falling off my at first haha because of my dysmorphia thinking I needed them at 3 1/2 months] and it looks like you are still in regular pants?? If not you wear everything so well!!!! Tiniest pregnant lady I know!
I knew you’d understand Miss Laury! We all have a little something we’re sensitive about and pregnancy certainly can bring it to light can it’?
I can’t tell you how great you look inside and out and what a beautiful daughter Ella you have as proof of your hard work!
I love this post and your honest and open comments. I’ve never been pregnant, so I can’t totally relate to how it must feel to be in your shoes. I can relate to being OOBER sensitive to others’ comments about my physical appearance. It can be super uncomfortable to think about how someone else might perceive how you look!
sometimes I feel like our insecurities can get the best of us. And even though people might give us compliments, we still might not feel the same. But you do look great. You are what you see in other pregnant women, beautiful, happy, glowing. I hope you start to see that too!
On a “fat day” I tell myself there’s more to love. I want to be thin, and my hubby likes thin women. However, not much is sexier than a curvy girl who still has a little tone to her. It’s all good.
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I think I’m one of those people who say, “you are so tiny that I bet you’ll be really cute pregnant.” I guess I say it because people said it to me and it made me feel so much better! But after reading your post I realize it might not come across in such a nice way so I’ll keep that comment to myself.
You look fabulous! You really do.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I felt some of the same things. I feel like so many of us do.
My mantra to myself (and anyone else who bothered to listen long enough) I’m growing a PERSON! Yup totally growing a person here! There was even a button we found on facebook that said, I’m so cool I grow people.
You’re beautiful, inside and out. Thank you for sharing your journey so candidly!
GREAT post, Shanna. I’m so worried that I’ll be insecure about a growing belly once I’m pregnant (if we’re being totally honest here). Because as of now, I’m very protective of my belly and I’m NOT pregnant. I’m not fat by any means, but I have a problem with my stomach if ever I feel like it’s big or bloated or just out there. I find it hard to let my husband even put his hand on my stomach (yes, it’s something I’m working on for when we DO have kids).
But, obviously it’s my problem and I need to work on it and accept that my stomach is actually in fact not that bad….ahhhh, brain!